How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
