I love black thongs
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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