he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
