Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
literally had 100 drinks last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
