i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
