Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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