I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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