Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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