My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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