Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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