no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so much tequila, so little girl.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
