I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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