just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
