Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
