OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
