Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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