If that was your dad, he is hot
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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