so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
