Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
