Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
