So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
