Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
