My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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