the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
