Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
