he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
