I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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