even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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