I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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