Soap is not a condiment
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
