It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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