Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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