I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Enjoy the penises
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
