I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
