You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
