I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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