that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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