Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
