new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
