i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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