you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
