Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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