i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
