No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
