Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
