I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
