Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
