Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
