the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
