what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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