why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
