My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
