I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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