Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
