Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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