i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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