everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
